So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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