Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
