I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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