you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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