your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
