i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
