I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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