dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think a kid would responsible me up
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
