i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
