i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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