So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
