What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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