The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
