She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
