That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
