I wish life had little blips of pornography
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
