Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize