he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
