I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
