At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
