OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
