i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
