I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
