I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
