You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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