I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
