Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
