I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
