spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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