if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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