I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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