Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
