i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
