also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
