..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
