No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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