Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
