i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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