Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My feet surprised me
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