I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
