If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
