You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
