Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
