I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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