woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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