Say something about gay babies.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
