My cat gives me a boner
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
