There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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