That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
