Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
