I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
