Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
