Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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