mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
