We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Let's paint friendship bongs
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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