i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
