Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
