I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
