you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
