like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
