How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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