My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
