frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
they're like a gay fantastic four
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
try to milk me bitch
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