I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
