small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
