what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
