tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
