I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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