just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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