Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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