Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
