walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
