I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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