Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
