I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
