three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
