broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
