There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
