im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
